asthoughdead

Aight. I am in a pretty damn excellent mood.
New Years Im finally going to see Charli, with blotter acid...mmmmmm
I see Val every day now.
Anah and Blake fought for me to get in Creative Writing. Anah had to tattle on bros and bitch to everyon, and Blake sacraficed his own bieng their, so i could get in. Fucking NO ONE has ever done that for me. Going past their own comfort, for my happiness.
Mrs.Brannon... my hero

It's amazing. I thought I would be going in to the school year, with a few friends. But it seems, that everyone is going out of their way to be kind. Past arguments and anger are now diminished. And we can treat eachother like human biengs! for the most part

Anyway

Shakespeare-with Anah and Dominic
B/W Photography- with Dominic
Sociology- Gwiz and Josh Kling
Economics- Micah
Creative Writing- Blake and Anah.

and i started writing organized once again. an amazing story

To tell you the truth, I dont know what is going on.
My curfew iss 12:00, and the night of the He Is Legend show, almost a week ago, I disobeyed it by almost 2 hours. Not such a big deal, due to the show didnt end until almost 12:30. My parents however didnt find out, due to I stayed over at Chris's. And when they told me to call them on his home phone, I called on his cell in the bathroom of IHop, thus lying. Anyway, they believed me, and I wasnt caught. The truth is im a bad ass... Anyway, that was last Friday.

Monday this week, I was talking to Charli until almost 2:00 a.m. and my Dad fucking barges in. Yelling, for some obsurd reason. And I ask him something like "Why are you in here" and his response, that made me laugh this very night was quote: "It's really hard to sleep when i know what your doing." And that was that, Charli is now considered masturbation. He went and told my mother, who was asleep, and she was fucking shocked, because he said "Your son has been staying up every night watching porn on the TV" Which is hilarious, because yes I have a TV in my room, but the fact is I dont have local, Cable, satalite anything. I just have a DVD player, which happened to have "The Godfather" in it. So I was yelled at for that. And in the morning I told my mother the circumstances of last night, and she bought me new sheets. But my father yelled at me more, for talking "dirty" or so he thought on my cell phone...

Anyway, two days ago today. Chris called, and my father picked up, and it turns out, he checked the Caller I.D. for the time of last week, and today. And it matched, and when he picked up he heard "Chris's fuckinng car" So... Im 17 years old, which really doesnt matter, Im grounded for 3 days from any connection with friends, internet, phone, seeing anyone. And another two weeks, from going anywhere. Im on now, because I am a bad ass.

Ladies and Gentlemen.

Few expierences in life, hold a certain substantial influence on yourself. And last night. Was FUCKING one of them!

Imagine taking all the highlights of how music has affected you individually, your first CD, concert, or songs that bring total changes or stimulation to your emotions. Take every fucking one of those great moments, putting them together would'nt be even close to what lastnight meant to me. Ill recount the night to the best of my ability.

Not important, but worth mentioning, is that Chris and Blake came over to swim before the show. And even before that, was that I was expecting to see a little lady,but alas her ride "bailed" on her. Anyway. At 5:45 or so, we left the house in search for Blake and Chris's tickets, i had bought mine the night before. Expecting to get the tickets, go to Red Robin and then to the show. Turns out Dimple was sold out. You have no idea what this meant to me. I could either see a band, that has totally influenced my writing, not to mention an amazing band with or without the singing. But ditching my friends.
Or I would'nt go...It was 6:15. and if Dimple didn't have tickets, how much luck would we have to go to the Boardwalk.
We go anyway, just to make sure; and the fucking line was longer than i had ever seen it at the boardwalk. It went down the building, up through the parking lot, turned and then came back up.
We were about to turn, when someone yelled for us, it was John Sontag. A friend from school and just a good guy. He was maybey the tenth person in line, and he let us "cutzie"
we got in!
For the next 3 and 1/2 hours, their was nothing worth mentioning. Fiveminuteride... Fall of Troy, bands I dont really consider music.

But then it happened.
Still light projector finally finished their set.
And then He Is Legend. that's it.
Trying to divulge to you, the emotions i fealt in their 15 minute or 20 minute set, would be utterly futile. It wasnt like a scene kid, dancing for the sake of people watching and judging you. But...I was at the front, screaming into the mic, getting spit on by Kendall,the guitarist every fucking second. Smelling Sweat blood, salt, tobacco weed. Punching the fucking bro hoes- who thought it would be cool to crowd surf. Once again, I could share to you what the music meant to me, but none of you would understand to the slightest degree. But the end. they played I am Hollywood, and at the moment where Schuylar is singing IIIII AAAMMMMM! everything stopped, and i was happy. Not a false sense of the word either, a way that makes me seem happy. but..that night.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!
and their was not one person in that fucking place that didnt feel utter and raw emotion. Not just because of the band, but because of how people reacted, chaining to influence them. I was fucking done.

Do you know what happened...well obviously not unless you were their. But I saw this little lady, that i havnt seen since summer. I told her i was extremely sweaty, cause hell, Im a fat kid, and everyone was sweating. At first she didnt notice me, she was talking to the guy running the snack bar and a lean against it, she turns. Doesnt notice anything, and then fucking screams. At the moment she jumped on me, He is LEgend, finished with the last chorus, and for that of maybey 10 minutes, I didnt even say a thing to her. We just missed eachother. And then she wiped off the sweat, because she snuck in 20 minutes before the show ended. And after are sweat filled love fest, I asked who took her. Anah of course, i mean was i expecting anyone differently. That was awkward though, it seemed as if she didnt even realize my existence, and then she whispered in the rose's ear for a good minute or so. And that was kind of it. I went back inside to find Chris and Blake, and buy T-shirts for my brother and sister. Talked to the merch guy, who had the coolest mustache, he was really sincere and reserved, but when talking to me, you can tell it was what he was focusing on. I gave him a bunch of money as a tip.

And then Schuylar, the lead singer walked up. Now if you know me, things to ususually get me star struck, maybey meeting Jim Morrison. But thats about it. But this guy comes up, and starts talking to the mustache, Tom. And then he notices me, and we start talking. For an instant i was struck that this guy has toured the world, played with bands i have only seen on TV. But it wasnt like that. I told him about my brother playing with him at Tom Fest. He talked about how I thought the show went. Basically, meaningless chatter to avoid an uncomfortable silence. But then I asked him, something that I really meant. "Your Christian right?" I hate using that word, i dont want to sub group faith, but i didnt want to take a half hour trying to explaing my philosophy of this. "Yeah." He replied, i thinnk he was intrigued. "How do you tolerate, bieng in such a lifestyle that your peers want nothing to do with God, and prefer to ridicule before understanding." I said a lot more, but that was the just of it. HE said simply "JEsus did it, and was crucified. I do it, and am ridiculed. I can tolerate it, with the thought that he did it for me." And it doesnt matter if your athiest, or buddhist or Jewish. You have to respect an answer like that. It may be a mix of being star struck, or just i was to exited to be let down. But, he has lived up to all I wished he would.

Anyway, we leave. Go to iHOP, considering we havnt eaten in 8 hours. Blake Chris John and myself. I didnt see Vasadl or Anah any more that night. Hell, I saw them for 10 minutes.

you better fucking read all of this.

... Since the South, nothing has really seemed appealing or interesting enough to write about in this journal. But the past few days have been quite exciting.

In the last 3 or so years of my life, phone calls for me consist of under ten minutes. For the past two nights I have spent about 10 hours talking to a strange little girl from the OC. Our friendship is on the basis of talking to her for the first time on Tuesday, and a few AOL conversations. But none the less, we share many similarites; among the top of the list, our uncontrollable inablility to sleep without fear.

Tomorrow, Chris get's off work at 2 I think, and were (him, Blake Courtney and myself) going to He is Legend at the boardwalk, if you havnt seen me in a while, i would love for you to come. Shows at 6:00 i think, and its $12 at the doors, or $10 if you order or buy it before hand.

no philosophy or revelalations, or even Doors lyrics
I have to shit

I had an interesting phone call last night, that almost cost me sleep; do to the bizzare likeness between the two of us.

There is no one like me,
but that was as close as it gets.

I just returned from the confederate state of South Carolina. And with that, i have amazing stories of

Anger, lust, broken tables, drunken fireworks, burning confederate flags, fist fights, fishing, Anah's wierd text messages, drinking sweet tea, wierd Indian bus drivers who talk about his friend getting his head blown of by lighting, when we were in a fucking thunder storm and about to board our flight, taxis, listening to the Doors and dancing in D.C. Eating nothing, except room service mints for 2 days, beaches, bitches, people running, talking to the homeless, punching my cousin in the face, DANCING and SINGING, having their only be Hooters and hunting places in all of the south. Accents, An attractive waitress named Cleedace that we took to the house of Blues (i was with my cousin from NY and his 2 friends JAson and James) Finding out half way through the night that her name was Candice she just had a wierd ass accent, walking on the beach during a full moon, Jet LAg, nightmares, getting touched by bare chested red necks while waiting for the fucking bumper cars that smelled like shrimp and seamen. Talking with my Uncle (The Naked Professor), spending time with the only jewel of the South (a 16 month year old named McEnziee), getting more wierd texts from Anah, World Series of poker, an estimated 40,000 boyscouts in D.C (no fucking exaggeration, their were 40,000 we asked the troup leaders), fat boy scouts hitting on girls at the JEfferson Memorial, the tomb of the unkown soldier, The Pavilion. My families souveniers that they
needed." Trying INdian Food, Throwing up Indian Food, getting stabbed in the gut with a head rest by my older brother, mini vans, rental cars, looking for a place for my sister to go to the bathroom and her on the verge of tears because she had to "poop" so bad, finally pulling up to a gas station and when she gets out of the car she is in such a hurry because her stomach is hurting she falls on her face and some dumb ass 13 year olds make fun of her so I have a 11 year old girl whos bowels are about to explode in tears having scratches on her elbows and forehead and finding out the womens bathroom is occupies so she has to go in the mens which makes her cry harder and all this bieng at 4:30 in the morning on the way to the airport (this actually happened this morning) PLaying the harmonica and jammin on my cousin Justin's guitar. A shitty on flight movie called "saharra" landing in San Francisco getting another rental car, driving to Sacramento, picking up our car and driving home. Other stories include automatic flushers so either your suprised when it flushes while your still on it, or it wont flush when you walk away. $6.99 room service milkshakes that happened to be excellent..

It wasnt that bad of a trip due to the mere fact that it was so bad, i can look back and enjoy and laugh at it

i miss people
and im ready for school to be back in

A great mexican man, and i conversed over coffee

iamlegend7: foriegn?
kevINthegears: u
kevINthegears: h
kevINthegears: whya
kevINthegears: t
iamlegend7: sorry about the show man
kevINthegears: yeah
kevINthegears: fug
iamlegend7: killing her dog was a little over the line though
kevINthegears: i hope u know i was joking
iamlegend7: ...fuck
kevINthegears: mmhmm
iamlegend7: so how is the whole Satan Worshiping treating you guys?
kevINthegears: it's pretty good yeah yeah
iamlegend7: thats nice
iamlegend7: swell would of been a better word
iamlegend7: you know becuase it sounds more mellow and formal, and due to us talking about worshipping Satan so lightheartedly
kevINthegears: yeah
iamlegend7: it just would of sounded better, you know
kevINthegears: word
iamlegend7: get it because it was kind of like a joke that we just did
kevINthegears: yeha
iamlegend7: it wasnt that good, were not that funny Kevin
kevINthegears: i knw
kevINthegears: that' why i give it a hah
iamlegend7: but we have nice titties
kevINthegears: definitely
kevINthegears: and that's all that matters in this small world of ours
iamlegend7: aye, your brown skin excentuates the your ripe breasts by the way
kevINthegears: god that's gotta be profiled
iamlegend7: excpet say chocolatey brown skin
iamlegend7: adjectives never hurt
iamlegend7: especially when we are taling about Mexican breasts
kevINthegears: haha
kevINthegears: i like my profile stuff to be pure
iamlegend7: i guess
iamlegend7: but chololately does sound exotic
iamlegend7: and tasty
kevINthegears: hmmmmm
kevINthegears: let's keep this our little secret
iamlegend7: oh Kevin i dont know, this is a pretty strenous secret
iamlegend7: i mean if this shit gets leaked
iamlegend7: ....who knows the Hellish things that will happen to us
kevINthegears: i can trust you though
iamlegend7: is it done?
kevINthegears: i think
kevINthegears: yeah
iamlegend7: i think some lotion and a laxitive, we could have a pretty good thing goin me and you?
kevINthegears: aye
iamlegend7: aye
iamlegend7: pirate talk like a bitch time i see
kevINthegears: mmmmmyes
iamlegend7: did you save the...secret?
kevINthegears: yeah
kevINthegears: it's there
kevINthegears: in the prof
iamlegend7: Gooooood Gooooood
iamlegend7: you know what sounds good right now?
kevINthegears: i know what
kevINthegears: genocide
iamlegend7: CHEETOS AND TECHNO
kevINthegears: ooooooooooooooooo
iamlegend7: and i guess Genocide....
iamlegend7: personally id rather eat totally fake cheese surrounded by solid carbs while listening to perfectly mastered xilophones and organs, but your a fucked up mexican kid so....
kevINthegears: yeheyaheyaheyaeheyaeha
kevINthegears: niiiiiiiice
iamlegend7: want to hear a really funny joke?

kevINthegears: yeah
kevINthegears: WOMEN'S RIGHTS
iamlegend7: as in you will never stop laughing forever
iamlegend7: YAAHHHH!!! man
iamlegend7: Whats worse than a worm in your apple?
iamlegend7: KEVIN, what the hell is worse than a worm in your apple
iamlegend7: your going to ruin the fucking punch line
kevINthegears: what?
iamlegend7: the holocaust
kevINthegears: hhahaa
iamlegend7: sound effect- Bu Dum Tchiiii

im walking away

"and why the fuck would you even say that specailly whe nyou dont talk to me you dont know anything so shut the fuck up! and i didnt hate you b/c you never talked its b/c your liek two faced and YOU KNOW it! everyone knoes it. why do you think a lot of ppl dont really liek you? maybe its b/c you two faced!!"

advise for everyone.
I dont really give a fuck about bieng two-faced. I know I am. Dr Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. And frankly, it doesnt matter to me if some dont like me. I have the people I love.

Id like to point out also if your trying to offend me, use proper fucking English, not to mention intelligence. IN this lovely hate letter that was sent after mine

"Just because i dont talk to you, i am hated?

What are you trying to prove calling Blake a "fagget" (its actually spelled faggot). Its not like im going to listen to you, and telling me won't change my opinion of him."

that was sent after

"wow, ryan told me what you told him about blake beign the man in the relationship with courtney. yea b.c hes a fuckin dick!! he treats me like shit b/c i was his first g/f thats why the next g/f he bes nice to b/c hes a fucking fagget!! i hope he dies!!! and i dont really liek you either so im deleting you b/c your not nice to me you enver talk to me! "

What im trying to say, is the Im fucking angry that she was trying to offend me, when in reality it just made me embarrased for her. Which got me angry because i cant be offended like a normal person

You know i thought it would be easy, or rather... painless losing Kevin. BUt it's not, it really fucking kills seeing one of the ONLY people that has stayed a true friend, go to the damned military. And what ever you say, losing a fucking friend kills. It really does...

i cried in front of everyone, ive never done that.

just to let you know, when you want to know if your friends are true, cry. Because Blake, COurtney and Chris didnt get uncomfortable, they didnt ask, they didnt even say a word. They gave me a hug. You've probably been given many hugs, some you think are meaningful, some just as a welcome. BUt i felt instantly safe when Chris hugged me and said "I know"
And that made me cry harder.

excuse my unconsistent puntuation, and my horrrible use of sentence structure

true friends. i never knew what that meant.

After 3 years of listening to The Doors and little else. Anah introduced me to the most wonderful band, that can only be described in verbs. So thanks, getting my away from the Lizard King Anah.


WRAITH PINNED TO THE MIST
(AND OTHER GAMES)

Let’s have bizarre celebrations
Let’s forget who forget what forget where
We’ll have bizarre celebrations
I’ll play the Satyr in Cypris you the bride being stripped bare

Let’s pretend we don’t exist
Let’s pretend we’re in Antartica

Let’s have bizarre celebrations
Lets forget when forget what forget how
We’ll have bizarre celebrations
We’ll play Tristan and Izolde but make sure I see white sails

Maybe I’ll never die
I’ll just keep growing younger with you
And you’ll grow younger too
now it seems too lovely to be true
but I know the best things always do

let’s pretend we don’t exist
let’s pretend we’re in Antartica

Robert Garcia...you are amazing

iamlegend7: Roberto
SuperStreetBum: thats hott
iamlegend7: hows summer Mr. Love
SuperStreetBum: summer is kinda a bummer
SuperStreetBum: its decent
iamlegend7: same with me
iamlegend7: Kevin Slingstad left for the army today, my other friend is in Japan this summer, and i just got done with summer school
SuperStreetBum: slingstad?
SuperStreetBum: damn
iamlegend7: yah 6 years
SuperStreetBum: holy crap
SuperStreetBum: he never seemed a military man to me
iamlegend7: a lot of crying, when the sargeant pucked him up
SuperStreetBum: why didn't he migrate to canada?
iamlegend7: Chris Berg. Blake, Courtney and I were with him, it was really sad
iamlegend7: I KnoW!
SuperStreetBum: its hard
SuperStreetBum: you know what else is hard?
iamlegend7: what?
iamlegend7: god dont say your penis
SuperStreetBum: math
SuperStreetBum: math is really hard
iamlegend7: your the best man
SuperStreetBum: i try to be

I hate the 4th of July,
last night was horrible

Listen to Eric Claptons new CD while driving a passed out drunk idiot in your car home. When you have no idea where he lives in Folsom. And then get lectured by his parents about bieng more responsible, or something, when you probably saved their sons life. And come home around 6:00 a.m with thousands of other drunk idiots on the road.

Want to hear something really METAL!!!

This band is Deicide (The act of killing God)
And they are as metal as Hell
Rock on Deicide

2. Sacrificial Suicide

Satanized, crucified, feel the wrath of suicide
Incus fear of the sphere, angel darkness disappears
Covenant, blasphemous, open up unhollness (unholyness?)
Father Satan, let me just unholy sins

[Chorus:]
Suicide sacrifice
Destruction of holy life
Blood of unholy knife
Satan I sacrifice

Behold the crucifix, symbol of sterility
I am crucifix - Satan
Suicide sacrifice, profeasting evil night
Lust into reality - Satan
Angel of the black abyss, Satan lord I hall (hail?)
Insane blasphemous - Satan
Sacrifical suicide, Ritual to end my life
Benemoth incess my fate - Satan

Dammed to tell, end of my life
Wrath of God - Satan (Warth?)
Sin my soul, blesses with fire
Throne of stone - Satan
I must die, in my wake
Seventh gate - Satan
Suicide, end my life
I must die - Satan

[Lead - Eric]

Suicide sacrifice, thrust of evil deep inside
Lucifer never lies, take away thee mortal life
Demigod, Satan son, commend to body to the ground
Father Satan, I'll find peace when I am God

[Chorus]

TAKE ME!


Im still laughing, because these guys are so Metal!

Today was pretty fucking bad
I have summer school, and then cyber high
at lunch i went to the fucking library and read some bullshit play about insanity, I think it was called Hamlet.
I have to work at 4:30 to 9 i think, and I get out of cyberhigh at 3:45

one more day

it is really fucking annoying, bieng forgotten

hollywood is my only solace
morathi

All right...update

I have a fucking tumor
and Anah is an amazing writer
and Jim Morrison is to
but my head is going to fucking fall off
AND IT REALLY HURTS

iamlegend7: im sorry, but my head is fucking killing me
Hey Russia: Go lay down.
iamlegend7: wow okay, if I was a homo

I drove down to youth. turns out it was canceled. i really needed some sense tonight, but i guess i have to set things straight myself; its just easier around them, they are straight lined christians; and they dont understand. And thats a good thing, because they dont understand.

I cant quite understand what has happened in the last 2 days. But i feel alone.
and turns out...im single. Just another notion of lust that i had to conform to, because she had a pretty smile, and she listens. But ofcourse my description of love with a relationship is always lust.. their goes another legend.

anah and fred... im pretty sure you wont read this, but i need to put it out their. meet eachother and fucking talk, to friendship. Not a phone, or online. meet eachother and talk, talk about everything and decide what you are going to do. because to me it looks like all this is accomplishing is pain, and no one wants that.

valerie rose- i would describe to you what this wonderful little lady wrote. but it means more than words, and i dont want to read it again because the situation was perfect.

i cant wait to go to hollywood, ill miss. but i fucking need to be selfish, i fucking need to live.

i know. a lot of posts today.
but im okay with that
and it doesnt matter if you are

i don't get to use this word a lot
but i feel "tragic"
and i feel shakespearian despite my thinking he is a twit

I wonder...
I told someone a story.
The story was not long
It was not compelling
or having a strong moral in the end
but this story
you see this story
this was the story of everything
i promised i would never tell anyone
but i did
and Mr.Frost was right
It made all the difference
because while tears were coming
this person did not discuss
did not comment
didn't say a thing
this person smiled
and I will tell you
That Made all the fucking difference

-morathi
Im back
Thanks to friendship

Romance reigns; Love reigns
Dont forget that
never forget that

Because tradgedy is wonderful,
because their was always a good time that brought upon the misery
and without bad, their was no good
and boredom would kill me

Valerie Rose and Anah Louise,
you created me

Morathi

this is quite tasty

iamlegend7: i would be a lot happier if we didnt have summerschool tomorrow
Hey Russia: Well, now I have a mexican stallion.
iamlegend7: after 2 days you give someone a cool nickname, the only thing you ever gave me was syphillis
iamlegend7: that would be cool if he started sitting with us at lunch
Hey Russia: That would be damn cool.
Hey Russia: I don't know about him yet, though.
Hey Russia: But we did talk shit about people in our class on AIM, just like you and I do.
Hey Russia: But that doesn't mean he's smart
iamlegend7: It would be great if we had another friend
iamlegend7: anti-social my ass, i desire people
iamlegend7: i cant believe i just said that
iamlegend7: that is really depressing
Hey Russia: Yeah, Nick Dupray called me anti-social today.
Hey Russia: Really, I'm only anti-social during school hours.
iamlegend7: I wish i could say the same
iamlegend7: most of times i would rather read or write
Hey Russia: Well, same here. I like myself better than other people. That's horrible.
Hey Russia: But people suck.
iamlegend7: excpet for me
Hey Russia: Yeah, well, most people suck.
iamlegend7: nah ill go with the last statement
iamlegend7: i dont consider us people
iamlegend7: we make fun of people to much to be people
Hey Russia: Hahahahah

im extremely happy
when i should be depressed
now im sounding like a vagina

good night
or shall I say "fuck you"

I started studying the seven deadly sins, and found out, Im really bad.

Seven Deadly Sins as follows
Anger-
Envy-
Pride-
Lust-
Sloth-
Gluttony-
Greed-

Yah, i fucking suck